I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
