I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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