i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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