he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
