I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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