I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
