I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
