I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
