This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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