Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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