May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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