I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
