You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
