You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
