No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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