Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
