I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
