im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
