apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
