I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
