I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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