Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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