Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
