We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
