3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
