just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
