While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
