i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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