just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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