half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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