there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
