p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
