mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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