I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
