Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
