i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
