if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
