pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
