your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
