I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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