omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
