it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
