I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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