So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
