I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
