fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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