So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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