this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
