Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We need to rekindle our bromance
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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