i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
