It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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