Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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