it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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