I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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