his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The Olympian is in my bed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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