i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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