im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
