update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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