It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
