Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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