My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
