So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize