I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
