Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
