i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
