i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
