It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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