i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
