I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
