Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
