You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
and you fell through a lawn chair
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
