Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
