I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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