Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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