I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
