we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
