So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i think my cat just said my name.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
