So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
